Brief Hiatus

Sorry folks, there will be no show tonight -- The Soap Show will be on a brief hiatus. Check back in the new year for details about the conclusion of Season 2, aboard our beloved Colossal Princess.

Episode Four Recap

The Colossal Princess leaves Mexico and sets sail for Jamaica!

Beatrice “Trixie” Godsey is welcomed aboard The Colossal Princess! What better place for a Mormon but on a single’s cruise in the Caribbean…? Oh wait, she plans to “bring God to the natives.” That explains it.

Captain James Rudder recognizes her immediately! Does she recognize him from his bronzed Hawaiian surfer days…??

Pierre LaNeuf becomes the new ATTC (Assistant to the Captain) after he beats acting ATTC Rayn Peyton in a battle of Nautical Knowledge! Rayn can do nothing but slink away in utter shame while she watches Pierre learn to steer the ship in her place.

Debbie Dallas finally returns to The Colossal Princess after being stranded on Bermuda with Sea Madness! A heroic rescue, manned by none other than Captain James Rudder, brings her safely back aboard. Much to the relief of Rayn, one of her first acts is to reinstate the former ATTC to full duty!

Doc Mac is beginning to hear voices and it’s suspected he has finally contracted Sea Madness! Tory Tonka has Pierre LaNeuf speechless when she reveals that she is pregnant! And Donna Dickie manages the complex feat of locking herself in her stateroom!

Meanwhile our special guest David Blair blows us away with his musical splendour! Why, anything is possible when your man smells like Old Spice and not a lady... very worthwhile advice.

Will Donna find her way out of her stateroom in time for dinner? What will Pierre do now that he’s about to become a daddy? And will Doc Mac be cured of his Sea Madness before it’s too late? Find out on the next episode of The Soap Show, Monday November 15th at 8pm at The Firehall Arts Centre.

Episode Three Recap

Destination: Mexico!

Little Jenny, aged 9 ½ and more than a little odd, arrives on the Lido deck of the Colossal Princess all by herself. She explains that she’s been sent on the cruise by her mother. Although she arrived all alone, Jenny and Captain James Rudder soon become good friends and spend the cruise having heart-to-hearts, playing poker with the other crew members and playing with guns.

Debbie Dallas, original Cruise Director of The Colossal Princess, remains stranded on Bermuda with Sea Madness, enslaving birds and befriending jars of mayonnaise. There she meets a dashing and handsome native and falls madly in love with him…

Filling in for Debbie Dallas is Doc Mac, who does his very best to keep the guests entertained with disco spots and Hypnosis-to-Cure-your Sea-Sickness Workshops. He finds the Cruise Director shoes to be very big ones to fill!

Special guest star Riel Hahn sings a wonderful diddy about living in a communist country and receives wild applause from the gathered passengers, who begin doling out the buffet in equal sized portions.

As the episode continues, we discover that Gabriel Flores’ lost eye, though disembodied, can still see! And that James Rudder is searching not only for his son, but for his lost mermaid princess, Turquoisina, who he vainly searches for as the ship enters the gulf of Mexico.

Will Debbie Dallas find true happiness with her new found native? Will Captain James Rudder rediscover his long lost mermaid love? Will Gabriel use the power of his disembodied eye for good… or evil?? Find out more in our next episode!

Episode Two Recap

Departing from the port of Hawaii, The Colossal Princess sets sail for Bermuda!

Debbie Dallas and Tory Tonka warmly welcomed aboard passenger Pierre LeNeuf (Peter New) who is shadowing – secretly – one of the crew members for his upcoming feature film role…

Trouble begins to surface after the ship makes its way through the Panama Canal (thanks to Tori Tonka’s expert traffic direction) and the crew members start to feel a little funny. 

Zita Fanata is the first to show symptoms. She begins to hear voices, experiences embarrassing gastrointestinal pain, and uncontrollably reads gossip columns about Matt Damon! To Doc Mac it’s all too clear that she has SEA MADNESS!

Cruise Director Debbie Dallas is the next to succumb to the devastating effects of the Madness. Then Tori, then Pierre! Only Captain James Rudder and Doc Mac seem to be immune. The race is on: to get to Bermuda in time to save the crew!

After a long, dangerous and arduous journey The Colossal Princess arrives in the port of Bermuda. The crew search madly for the Creole Voodoo Healer and the Turkey Plant that will save them. At long last the plant is discovered, and the crew is saved! 

Tori Tonka and Pierre LeNeuf, awash with relief, then succumb to an altogether different type of madness as their attraction to one another can no longer be denied. A painful goodbye follows, as Pierre decides to remain on Bermuda, while Tori must return to the ship. 

As The Colossal Princess makes to depart, so many questions remain unanswered… Will Tori and Pierre ever again have the chance to pursue their love? Has the crew been permanently cured of their Sea Madness?

And, now that we mention it… where is Cruise Director Debbie Dallas??

Join us next week to discover the fate of The Colossal Princess and her Courageous Crew!

Rayn Peyton Confesses

In episode 1, a taboo love affair between Rayn Peyton and passenger Jack Johnson was kept under wraps...

but when the dust fell...

Episode One Recap

Thanks to one and all who made it out  to see our opening show! We had a fantastic crowd and shared lots of laughs. For those of you who missed it, here's the recap!

The Colossal Princess has set sail on her worldwide maiden voyage! First destination? Hawaii!

Cruise director Debbie Dallas and ATTC (Assistant To The Captain) Rayn Peyton greet blind sun-sensitive birthday girl Donna Dickie and outrageously cool folk rocker Jack Johnson to what appears to be a saucy singles’ cruise…

Meanwhile Gabriel, Head Engineer on the Colossal Princess, attempts to cajole the finky pumps into action. When Captain James Rudder makes a surprise appearance, the two reminisce about their last run through the Suez Canal with a hull full of Egyptian Bananas en route to Richmond.

Zita Fanata, the pious Tuscan maid, attempts to change Ship Doc Mac’s mind about the existence of God. Who else could have given her the unmistakable power to find lost keys? And to have lived since 1276??

Rayn Peyton breaks one of the worst rules in the book: speaking to and fraternizing with the guests! She can’t resist Jack Johnson, and after wooing him with a delicious and refreshing invisible virgin mojito she convinces him to give her a personal performance…

Donna Dickie is up on the sun deck, catching the rays while trying to avoid heat rash. She meets Om, the ship’s Reiki healer, who is immediately taken aback by the power of her aura. The two discuss his mentor and Sensei Reiki Master, Darren Harper (Stephen’s estranged brother) and the two discuss having children together… though Donna isn’t entirely convinced…

Debbie approaches ship doctor Doc Mac about alarming reports of fraternization between crew members and passengers, and we discover that the two of them have a rather hot and steamy past! While Doc Mac seems ready to rekindle the fire, Debbie is at best reluctant.

Jack Johnson wows Rayn Peyton in his personal state room with the power of his music and the two of them get much better acquainted… They agree to keep their affair a secret but Doc Mac seems to know the whole dirty truth.

Up on the bridge, Captain James Rudder reveals a shocking private truth to ship maid Zita… 3 years ago, after arguing with his son Ken (first name “Bro”), Jim, full of anger, had set him adrift on a lifeboat! We discover his secret mission: to find his lost son, sailing all across the world if necessary…

Rayn journeys down to the engine room to do her weekly inspection, and in that precise moment a pump explodes in Gabriel’s face, taking his left eye! The ship’s head engineer runs screaming from the engine room, leaving a perplexed Rayn alone to take care of the hot and heaving renegade pumps!

Her newfound secret lover Jack has fallen prey to his own medical emergency. While swimming in the pool, Reiki healer Om confirms Doc Mac’s initial suspicion: Jack, while wandering around deck barefoot, has contracted gangrene, and without swift amputation, it could travel right up his leg and infect his genitals!

Zita, now in on Captain James Rudder’s secret plan, has vowed to help him find his son. She appears on deck dressed in a life jacket with life ring in hand, ready to jump into the sea and find Ken! Instead she is intersected by Cruise Director Debbie Dallas, who is on a mission to seek and destroy all instances of inappropriate passenger-crew relations.

The Reiki healer Om and official ship captain Om have a standoff in sick bay. Will the two of them ever find the means for peaceful co-existence?

Captain James Rudder is called down below deck. Gabriel has found that someone has been tampering with the engines, but they can’t imagine who!

Jack Johnson, newly amputated, reveals it was he! Caught in a depressing marriage, he could think of no other means of escape than sabotaging a cruise ship that he was on! Gabriel fashions him a robo-leg, and Jack can walk again!

Will Doc Mac and Gabriel find peace between them? Will Rayn find the sexual outlet she so desperately needs? Will Captain James Rudder and Zita Fanata find the son lost at sea? Will Debbie Dallas succeed in separating crew from passengers?

See you on Monday October 25th at 8pm at the Firehall Arts Centre for the next exciting episode!

Check out this season's poster!

All Aboard!

Season Two sees our brave players set sail aboard
THE COLOSSAL PRINCESS
on her maiden voyage across the world!


Towering a massive thirty-two stories high, this beauty boasts the most unique construction seen in a luxury ocean liner to date, built upon the resurrected hull of the long-sunk Titanic!


Join us at 8pm on Monday October 18th at the Firehall Arts Centre for her send off: an event of genuinely GARGANTUAN PROPORTIONS!

Come dressed in your best cruise ship attire! 

Best costume wins two free tickets to the show!

Tickets $10 in Advance/ $12 at the door
For reservations call 604-689-0926 or go online at www.firehallartscentre.ca
The Firehall Arts Centre 280 Cordova Street East, Vancouver, BC